I know now, on a deep level, that for those that have lost their soulmate to death, life becomes something it was never supposed to be: A burden.
But: He is waiting for me on the other side of that door. I know this. Don't try to argue with me about it. End of story. I also feel his presence, by now it's not as frequent as in the beginning, but every so often, there he is, chatting to me, giving me one of those hugs wrapping his golden angel wings around my shoulders.
Seeing that I'm alive only because he chased them off, and only so that our children can still have their decent chances in life, what I do doesn't really matter too much as long as I keep my promises.
I promised to get them to safety and give them their start in life as we had planned. I promised to remain a good mother.
Stability for our children includes:
- Getting them to safety. Done. We are now in Ireland.
- Getting them into system education (schools). Done. Oldest One is at college, studying what she always wanted (following her dream, as her Daddy drilled into her) : Art. The two younger ones (Wild Ones no longer) are in high school.
- Financial stability: A job for me. Sadly, self-employment with all its exciting and wonderful bonuses simply takes too long; we need the income now. So, I'm looking. This may still cause a lot of stress.
- Financial mobility: Additional income. This would then pay for little holidays, small extras, who knows.
- Financial freedom: This was always part of Hubb's plan, and entails generating multiple small streams of passive income. Like, royalties from books, or commission from a networking business.
Some of the ideas he shared with me, and they entailed relaunching the whole P'kaboo. With him, it was a good idea if it involved a big event. I like that...