The Publishing Will Continue.

Re-reading the last post, I spot a dread negativity.  "Life is a burden" - except, of course, that I say thank you every day that my children are hale and well, and that is also exclusively due to the ultimate sacrifice he made.

I'm starting another blog and another project.  This blog will of course continue, as will the others.  But the new blog is specifically there to outline acts of heroism, and what is happening in South Africa. 

It has come to my attention that here in Ireland, murders only happen to those who are "known to the Garda", meaning they already had a criminal record, and that there is a lack of comprehension that South Africa is a war zone and a slaughterhouse.  "Garda" are a mythical concept in South Africa!  But, Iain was of true Irish hero stock, the Hound of Ulster would have been proud to call him a countryman.  Ireland needs to know this;  the northern hemisphere needs to understand what is happening in that dark county down south.  Iain's story is not unique.  We have unsung heroes, and we have all sorts of dark tragedy as they (the criminal and political elements that want us gone) keep up their relentless butchering. 

40 000 farm murders in 2016.  Wait:  Forty thousand.  Forty thousand incidences where a family who legitimately bought land from a government some generations back and has been farming it since, gets invaded and butchered down, to the last baby and little-old grandmother.

Forty thousand.  Do you have a concept of that figure? 

That's the entire County Longford, murdered out to the last baby.  Not a soul left alive.  In one single year. 

And this year they've already murdered out all of Leitrim, if the rate is the same.


And this has been happening, year after year, for the past twenty and more years.  Do you comprehend the size of this concept?  And here comes the most staggering part:

"We're not at war.  Crime?  What crime?"  Such is the narrative of our ruling party the ANC.

If one of the Irish political parties were getting away with that?  Could you imagine this?

If you think the South African farmers stole the land, you can think again.  Each one of those families paid dearly for their land.  If you bought land from your government at the full price, would you expect to own the rights to it?  Or would you feel happy to hand it back without compensation just so that you and your children would not be killed? 

But the farm murders are only a part of the statistic!  We didn't own a farm.  We merely lived in a house - in a suburb - a house that didn't even belong to us but was being passed down, from the owner (Iain's mother) to her son via the totally legal route of inheritance.  That was the sum total of our crime - to live in a house, in a city.

I will blog about this.  But not here.  I will create a fresh blog, and others may contribute if they have stories similar to ours.

And the publishing of books is going to continue.  Especially since moving here I have seen that the world still has a dire, dire need for stories, children's books, novels, escapism etc.

Will be back soon.

Getting metaphysical

This post has little to do with the books and publishing, and a lot with my best partner, co-author, first-editor, business partner and soulmate.  It's an emotional post but hopefully with some direction in it.

I know now, on a deep level, that for those that have lost their soulmate to death, life becomes something it was never supposed to be:  A burden.

But:  He is waiting for me on the other side of that door.  I know this.  Don't try to argue with me about it.  End of story.  I also feel his presence, by now it's not as frequent as in the beginning, but every so often, there he is, chatting to me, giving me one of those hugs wrapping his golden angel wings around my shoulders.

Seeing that I'm alive only because he chased them off, and only so that our children can still have their decent chances in life, what I do doesn't really matter too much as long as I keep my promises.

I promised to get them to safety and give them their start in life as we had planned.  I promised to remain a good mother.

Stability for our children includes:

• Getting them to safety.  Done.  We are now in Ireland.
• Getting them into system education (schools).  Done.  Oldest One is at college, studying what she always wanted (following her dream, as her Daddy drilled into her) : Art.  The two younger ones (Wild Ones no longer) are in high school.
• Financial stability:  A job for me.  Sadly, self-employment with all its exciting and wonderful bonuses simply takes too long; we need the income now.  So, I'm looking.  This may still cause a lot of stress.
• Financial mobility:  Additional income.  This would then pay for little holidays, small extras, who knows.
• Financial freedom:  This was always part of Hubb's plan, and entails generating multiple small streams of passive income.  Like, royalties from books, or commission from a networking business.  

Looking at that list, I realize that the books have always been part of the big picture ("I'm going to write us to freedom!").  And he had such a lot of fresh ideas, beginning of this year.

Some of the ideas he shared with me, and they entailed relaunching the whole P'kaboo.  With him, it was a good idea if it involved a big event.  I like that...

How do I carry on?

So here's the low-down.

My other half, my Iain, my split-apart and soulmate, has been robbed from me by violent South Africa.

How do I continue alone?  I know I said I'll always be writing because that's who I am...  maybe that's all that is left of me now.  He made me into so much I wasn't before.  He showed me I could be a performer, even when hyper-critical people told me I'm not "good enough".  He was much of the energy, the driving force, behind book launches, concerts, promos, print runs and so on.  He was a lot of the driving force in my life in fact.  He was my liaisons person - who kept contact with people.  But much more than that, he was a wonderful father who could play with his kids with the fun of a child, he was the one with whom I could be silly and not care what "people" thought (such a lot of uncalled-for disapproval comes from "people"), he was the one who could show us how to have fun and find fun in everything.

And he was my soulmate.

He is there, across the veils...  but how to I carry on in this world without him?