Once
there was...
...
a villain so vile, everything he touched turned bad. Even the grass
withered where his unholy feet trod. In the same land there lived a
princess so pure and precious, everyone's heart melted whenever they
merely saw her on telly. Most of the land was in love with her. It
wasn't her fault. And in the same land, there lived a hero so
Herculean, the sunlight would glint off his well-oiled muscles and
golden hair as he rode by, head held high, on his white steed. There
also lived a heroine so heroic, she would... well, do all the
policing and justice work the princess was too pure to perform. And
deep, deep in the woods, in a magic cave lined with Persian mats and
hidden behind a spell, there dwelled a magic being ... a being so
magic, whenever she flexed her prettily manicured hand, something
magic would happen. Her name was Nadisda. (That is pronounced
"Na-DEESH-da". Ok?) The author couldn't decide whether
she was a tree spirit, a wood nymph or simply a witch, but truly it
matters not, because all that matters was that she was so imbued with
magic, it was actually quite a problem. Because this being had an
additional problem. She had a bit of ADD. That was on good days.
On worse days, it was ADHD, and seeing that despite television in
this land they did not have Ritalin, it was quite a thing.
One
day Nadisda was peacefully trying to remember whether she was trying
to remove the weeds she had inadvertently planted around her cave to
replace them with ferns, or do laundry day (for even in magic lands,
nothing washes cleaner than OMO), when she heard a soft step on the
moss. She listened up instantly, because you're not supposed to hear
anything that steps on moss, except this particular step went
"crunch". By this she knew that her moss had died and
she'd have to replant, and in an amazingly lucid moment she jumped to
the conclusion that it was the Villain who had come to see her.
Nadisda
was a peaceful soul, she didn't mind if good or evil paid her a visit
(good was in fact harder to endure, in this particular land). She
smiled sweetly.
"Hello,
Valentine! How nice to see you... would you like some tea? - oh
wait, you're the one who doesn't like tea, or is that Hugo..."
"Close
that gap in your face and listen," replied Valentine the vile
Villain. "You have magic. Too much for your own good, to my
mind. But today you could do me a favour."
Nadisda
had had conversations with the Villain before, and she knew that it
was best to simply nod. Sometimes it was even better that all you
did was blink. But today, she sensed Valentine was in a good mood,
as good as it got, and she felt that nodding was safe. So she did.
Overhead, a branch sprouted a wealth of white blossoms.
"Excellent,"
replied Valentine. "I'm so pleased you're the type who does
favours. I need you to work out a curse for the Hero."
Nadisda's
eyes went wide with surprise, but she nodded again. The Villain's
red coat accidentally changed to green.
"You...
you want me to kill him?" she asked, knowing that there would be
implications - if she could only remember what they were.
The
Villain laughed. "Oh no, not kill... that would be by far too
kind for that pompous nit. I want a curse that will make him wish he
were dead."
"A
curse is black magic," Nadisda pointed out needlessly.
"Can't
you do it?" asked Valentine, taken aback.
"Of
course I can, but black magic always has repercussions."
"Ah,
that," laughed Valentine. "It will probably only mean that
Haley the perfect heroine will come after you and lock you in the
clink. Surely that's no problem for you? You can magick yourself
out of there faster than the blink of an eye, can't you?"
Nadisda
pulled a doubtful face. (A little spring welled up out of the ground
under the Villain's feet and he had to jump aside quite suddenly to
keep his designer shoes from getting too soaked.) Yes, she could;
but even prison breaks had consequences, she was sure of that.
Besides she could never quite remember the whole sequence for her
vanishing spell.
"Oh,
don't worry," said the Villain impatiently, "I'll protect
you. Good enough? You'll cast that curse?"
Nadisda
nodded. A tangle of vines began to grow from overhead, encroaching
on Valentine. Nadisda's mind was on gardening this morning.
"Excellent,"
said the Villain and made a hasty getaway.
"A
curse," Nadisda repeated to herself. "A curse on Hugo. So
he wishes he were dead." She sat down on a moss-covered log
that had conveniently sprung out of the ground to accommodate her
shapely hindquarters, and absently waved a hand in the direction of
the withered moss which returned to life and burst into bloom. Or
more specifically, into sporophytes.
She
watched those strange little flowers that were not flowers, flower on
the resurrected zombie moss, and carefully let her mind wander
(keeping it on a rope however in case it got lost again).
Sporophytes. Moss. Hero Hugo. Valentine. And suddenly she had it.
"Uranium!"
she shouted, jumping up and causing several masked weaver nests to
grow clusters of noses on a tree opposite, which duly started
sneezing, scaring the baby birds. "No, wait, what was that word
- Eu... Euphorbium... whatever, I have it!"
*
